The everyday struggles of taking care of others can create enormous amounts of stress that can lead to physical, emotional and financial issues. If you find yourself becoming overly tired, irritable and just plain “over it”, then it’s time to seek help. There are a variety of resources out there to help you not only learn to take care of your loved one, but also to take care of yourself. The single most important piece of advice I give all of my patients’ caregivers is, “If you don’t take care of yourself and you go down, then everyone goes down with you, so you MUST learn to take time to care for yourself.”
A recent caregiver study reveals that people are primarily interested in information on the day-to-day needs of their loved ones and finding a support system of caregiver groups, supportive friends and health care professionals that can help relieve some of the burdens and stress. Almost one third of interviewed caregivers state that they are unable to meet all of their expectations without help, as many caregivers still work with paid employment for more than 30 hours per week, in addition to caring for their loved ones, and sometimes even more than one person. Ask most caregivers and they will tell you that they are emotionally, physically and financially drained and have no idea where to turn to get the help they need. Check out a few of these suggestions to alleviate some of the burden and keep yourself healthy.
Emotional Support
If you are the type of person who never likes to ask anything from anyone and always wants to do things on their own, then GET OVER IT! We know that reaching out to ask for help from your family and friends can be difficult, but it could provide you with just the little bit of relief you need, even if it’s only an hour or two at a time, to be able to attend a caregiver support group, take a hot bath, go grab lunch or dinner with a friend, make a grocery store run, or just go listen to music or read a book just to get your mind off of all the things that still need to be done. The truth is, there is always something that will need to be done, so an hour delay won’t change much of anything for your loved one, but it just may help you keep your sanity. The involvement in a social network and having someone to talk to has shown higher family satisfaction overall. If you are in a position where you do not have family or friends available locally, then seek out help from others that may belong to the same church or caregiver group that may be willing to assist with supervision or light duty tasks.
Physical Support
Having a helping hand to take care of loved ones may required more than just someone to “supervise” mom or dad while you run an errand or two. For many caregivers, you are required to lift, pull, transfer, bathe, etc. Providing this type of care day-in and day-out can be exhausting and if you are someone who is not 100% able bodied then this can seem like an unsurmountable task that may leave you at risk for injury, particularly if you are already tired, emotionally drained and in pain yourself. This is where adaptive equipment and home modifications can make those activities of daily living easier to complete as well as give your loved one more independence to do things for themselves. These devices can lessen your burden one minute at a time and every minute counts when you are already exhausted.
If you have the means, you may also want to hire a private duty helper to come in daily or a few times per week to assist you in giving your loved ones showers, getting them out of bed and into a wheelchair, or even just help with cleaning the house or washing clothes. One of the largest resources for becoming and finding a home caregiver in your area can be found on caregiver.com and price quotes are often dependent on the number of hours and type of work needed, so discussing your needs with a professional can help you determine exactly what you immediate needs are and what help you can use going forward to work within your budget.
Another under used resource is the use of respite care. This type of assistance often involves placing mom or dad into a facility (typically a hospital or SNF) and may be covered by their insurance plan. The National Respite Network is a comprehensive site that can help you find out the benefits available and where facilities are located in your state. Respite care can provide you with 5 or more days off from the caregiver burden allowing you take a short trip, spend some time alone or to get larger tasks done like home modifications.
Financial Support
Let’s face it, there is never enough money to go around when it comes to medical expenses. Healthcare today is expensive and can leave you taking out personal loans, taking out a second mortgage on your house and spending through retirement savings faster than projected. These rising costs can often result in your loved one needing to file for Medicaid or other government assistance in order to pay for the care they need. There are several organizations that are devoted to providing resources and aids for seniors and their caregivers. One of the best places to start exploring options in the Administration on Aging. This government organization is specifically devoted to providing programs and services to help aging seniors live independently for as long as possible, and it includes an Office of Supporter and Caregiver Services that help provide funding to families to help with caregiving. Another site that may help you find some monetary support for seniors is the Benefits Checkup site, which makes it easier to see what benefits your loved ones may qualify for.
Many seniors leave potential money or aid on the table because they don’t know that there are other resources even available to them. If the financial burden of caring for your loved one leaves you penniless and your resources have all dried up, then seek out the National Volunteer Caregiving Network, which helps connect volunteers that want to help other in their communities. Volunteers can help with things like transportation, general errands, home repairs or light housekeeping. Since lack of money is one of the largest stressors in our general lives, use of these resources can leave you feeling a little pressure and able to focus on other matters.
You must remember that what you are doing by taking on the responsibility of caring for a loved one is appreciated, even when it may not seem so. The simple act of caregiving is heroic and represents life’s greatest value. You must always remember that you are not alone, there are many facing your same struggles and there is help available. You’ve got this!
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