We all want to keep our loved ones at home for as long as possible. We don’t dream of one day having to place them into a facility. But are there signs when you should be considering it? Are there times when it just isn’t possible anymore? Absolutely. There are many signs that a facility might be the most appropriate place for your loved one.
Many times, the individual or family member who has stepped up to the caregiver role has done so to keep the loved one out of a facility. Although this is a noble cause, it is not always possible to care for a loved one in your home. That doesn’t mean you should just ship them out the first chance you get. What it means is that your health is equally as important as the individual you are caring for. And maybe you need to hear that a few times, so here it is: Your health is important!
If taking care of your loved one is significantly impacting your physical or mental health then it may be time to consider a facility. It does not matter what aunt so and so or the lady down the street thinks about your decision to seek assistance from a facility, all that matters is that you are taking care of the important people here: you and your loved one.
Top Reasons Why it Might Be the “Right” Time for a Facility
In both situations, whether you are caring for your loved one from a distance or at home, there are 3 huge reasons why it may be the “right” time to consider a facility.
1. Wandering
Although wandering usually starts with you finding your loved one in another room or getting turned around on the way back from the bathroom, it can lead to more frightening situations. Whether they are going outside and getting lost and unable to make it home or they are simply sitting outside in the sun becoming overheated; both can result in dangerous outcomes. There are devices that you can use to create a more safe environment such as door alarms to notify you if your loved one leaves the house. But some individuals become particularly more focused on exit seeking than others and it may be in your best interest to find a facility that can take care of your loved one’s specific needs.
Door alarms and activities to keep your loved one engaged and distracted from exit seeking are your first step to reducing their risk for wandering. A main reason that a facility may become most applicable is if the need to wander or “escape” persists. Individuals prone to wandering can also become violent due to their desire to “escape” and your desire to keep them where they are.
2. Causing Harm to You or Someone Else
Individuals diagnosed with any form of dementia can become violent generally stemming from confusion or fear from being confused about a situation. Some forms of dementia even cause hallucinations or increased outbursts. Although at first outbursts may be easy to avoid or only happen infrequently, if you have become fearful or if injury is a possibility it is definitely time to consider an alternative.
There are many caregivers who feel obligated to keep their loved one out of a facility or to keep them at home despite the physical or mental challenges they face by being a caregiver. Although there is no right or wrong answer as to what you decide, know that your safety is equally as important as theirs and you should never feel guilty if a facility is a more appropriate place for your loved one.
3. Lack of Self Care
One specific way to tell if your loved one may benefit from a facility or increased assistance in the home is their general smell. If you’ve gone to your loved ones house and they smell like either urine or feces, this is a tell tale sign that they are not taking care of their self cares appropriately. Does this information mean they need a facility? Maybe not a facility, but it does mean they will need more help. Whether this is via an in home caregiver or a supervised facility with increased help is up to you and your financial situation.
In general, most people will say that a nursing home is much cheaper than 24/7 care. However make sure to do all of your research as there may be opportunities in your area for cheaper care or even consider working with a social worker to determine if assist for a certain amount of hours could keep your loved one clean and safe at home. Paid caregivers assistance can range from as little as a few hours a day to around the clock care. A social worker or rehab therapist, such as an occupational therapist, can determine if increased assistance is necessary.
4. Stress and Anxiety Interfering With Everyday Life
If you are a caregiver then I’m sure that you will tell me that anxiety and stress comes with the role. While this is very true, what is more of a concern is when it interferes with every day life. If your role as a caregiver is causing panic attacks, depression, high blood pressure, joint pain, etc. then you need to consider your own health again, as equally important to that of your loved one. Caregiving is a beautiful role that comes with a heavy burden.
Most often we fear the guilt of taking someone to a facility more than the relief we know we will have from having done so. There should never be guilt associated with having your loved one in a facility if it is impacting your ability to take of yourself, or maybe your children, or even directly impacting your relationship. Your health and happiness have to come first.
5. You’ve Tried Many Other Options
Whether you’ve tried door alarms or calming strategies for increased outbursts there may still come a time when you cannot handle your loved one. This does not mean that you have failed and this does not mean that you should feel guilty. This simply means that you tried many alternatives to a facility before having to make that difficult decision.
Ultimately your safety and well-being have to play a factor in your ability to care for your loved ones. If you haven’t yet reached that point and are looking for alternatives, check out our posts on dementia distractions, how to handle sundowning, and ways to modify the home to reduce falls.
The information you need… Straight Up!