Making the decision that your loved one needs to go to a facility is not easy and may not be for everyone. But if you’ve been considering a facility and aren’t sure if it is the right option check out this article first on determining if it is the right time for a facility. If you’ve read that article and have determined that a facility is the most appropriate place for your loved one then you first want to determine which facility in your area is equip to handle your loved one. For instance if your loved one wanders or has outburts the facility needs to know these details to determine if their facility is a safe place for your loved one as well.
It can be stressful worrying if a facility will accept your loved ones if you tell them about all of their quirks, but this is important information in the care of your loved one. If they are very focused on wandering or “escaping” then it is important to have a facility that is either a locked facility or has an area specifically for individuals like your loved one with many alternative activities to wandering.
Although making the decision that a loved one might need a facility can seem like the hardest part, sometimes actually getting them to the facility can be more challenging. Whether your loved one is living with you and they don’t like to leave the house or they have been living on their own and fear leaving the house it can be a sensitive subject to take on.
It can be harder to bring your loved one from home to a facility as it feels more personal. But the truth is the alternative option to bringing your loved one to a nursing home or assisted living setting is from having had a hospital admission. So if you are feeling guilty about “dropping off” your loved one DON’T, focus on the fact that you have avoided a hospital stay or an injury by them being in their home for longer than they could manage.
Here are some options to try:
Going to Lunch
This is an option if your loved one has been regularly getting out of the house to go to lunch with you or if they aren’t suspicious of leaving the home. Most facilities can setup a lunch with you and your loved one in order to make the transition smooth and focused on the food rather than focused on the actual facility.
Going to an Appointment
Many individuals have outings that they would prefer over other outings, for instance maybe your loved one doesn’t enjoy going to a restaurant but understands the need to get ready for a doctors appointment. Choosing the appropriate term for your loved one can be the difference between a calm enjoyable transition and a more frustrating or unsuccessful one. So whether it is a hair appointment, nail appointment, doctors appointment, etc. choose the option that is most enjoyable for your loved one as an enticing reason to leave the home.
Empathy
Depending on the level of confusion or progression of dementia as well as your relationship with them, sometimes an empathetic approach can work. Although your loved one may not want to leave their home for themselves they may do so for you. So what does this mean? It could be as simple as explaining that you’ve had to help them clean themselves up too may times to be safe at home or maybe you are fearful for their safety and express this to them. Although dementia affects the ability to make decisions, occasionally an empathetic approach can assist in the process depending on the person.
Temporary Plan
Maybe you have a surgery or vacation coming up and explain to your loved on that this transition will only be temporary. Decreasing the permanence may allow for an easier transition as it will ease you and your loved ones anxieties. Many times a temporary option can be just that, as nursing homes often offer what is called “respite” or a short stay for a set amount of time. Many times caregivers avoid the idea of a facility and do not realize the amount of physical and mental stress they are experiencing until after they receive a break. Having a break may give you the ability to see that either you or your loved one could be safer or less stressed in this type setting.
If you are getting caught up with the fact that you feel that you are misleading your loved one, this is understandable. But understand that if your loved one has gotten to a place where they cannot take care of themselves that they will also not be making the best decision about what to do about it. Other conversations can be had first about allowing someone to come into the home to assist with cooking, cleaning or even self cares if possible. Your situation is uniquely yours and therefore can be handled in the best way you know how to.
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